keep a personal list of birds you see

Have you ever wondered how the concept of socialization can sometimes be analagous to static electricity?  Someone has rubbed drama all over my body, and for some reason, no matter what I do (i.e. rubbing Bounce sheets all over my head, which is analagous to …something I’ve tried to do to avoid drama–like moving out to the lake) it’s inescapable. Electricity and stickiness is everywhere, and I wish it was just a summer storm. 

Now that the pre-amble is done, I should probably be honest and just say that it’s been boring as fuck out here and any drama that has occurred has probably been magnified in my own mind because I simply have nothing overly purposeful to do.

I have been sewing coveralls for $20/hr. with my mom. I fucking hate it. If sewing machines were made like cars that will never die, it would be doable, but they’re not. They break all the time, like innocent souls shown Devo concerts for three hours. If I sewed my eyes shut, I could probably get paid to do it, and then really have an excuse not to do it ever again.  Yes this is crazy talk. No need to comment.

Honestly, I’m being stupid, because I’m relaxed. It’s wonderful. The only real stress I have right now concerns the cats. Yes, cat pluralized.  We (J. and I) picked up the new addition on our way out to the lake–Joshua. Joshua is an opera singer, a monkey, a dog, and a diva, yet incredibly loveable.   He’s a wonderful cat, and since arriving here, he’s come along quite well, given the things he’s had to adapt to. Hanna on the other hand, has not been taking things so well. Though she is a kitten, and 2.5 years younger than him (entailing that she might be maybe a little more mentally flexible a.k.a. stupid, or easily impressed upon) she’s having a very hard time permitting a friendship to occur. There have been several very loud rows (two vocal cats now, not just one– they’re very loud) but for the most part, they’ve been seperated. However, they are pretty much at the point now where they can have 80% civil supervised visits. The most successful ones have occurred outside, because they are both so easily distracted from trying to kill each other.

Amazingly, neither of them have hurt the other. Hanna has proven herself to be more of a drama queen than anything, and though Joshua whacks her, he doesn’t claw her…yet she wails like a banshee because she’s still terrified of him and he loves to chase her because he wants to play with her tail. 

All of this isn’t nearly as bad as it sounds, but I have been somewhat sleep deprived by all the racket (Joshua howls if he is locked in a room. Hanna howls if she is not with me. Hanna howls when she is locked in a room. Josh howls when he is not with me. And so on.) Last night, I spent half the night in one room sleeping, and the other half of the night in the other room sleeping, because I knew at least if I did that, both parties would not howl, and I could actually sleep. Moving was worth more than just simply getting angry at both of them and picking a side.

All this is my stress, it’s funny. There is only one small other stressor that has been added to the equation.  Once upon a time, I dated a boy from my hometown for the grand total of two weeks in grade 12. I’d known him since I was fourteen, and we’d been pretty good friends, and decided to try the relationship thing out. For personal reasons, I ended up ending it after two weeks waaay back then, BUT, it turns out that in that nearly five year (six year?) span of time…he didn’t forget about me like I’d assumed he would. With the advent of Facebook (The Devil’s Black Book) we recently rediscovered each other, and since I’m back home, we decided to hang out.  Premature? Yes. Unpleasant? Really surprisingly no. I’m advancing with caution, but words cannot express how nice it is to sit and talk and laugh constantly with a boy about the stupidest nerdy stuff and feel a genuinely nice familiar affection for eacher other. He is really interested in me (he blurted it out at the end of the night and six extra unanticipated hours of hanging out, and kissed my head), but I told him that I’m in no mood to rush into anything serious. And now, I’m thinking. And playing hard to get. Ha.  Oh livejournal….

 But yes, I’m shaking my head in over-analytical mode. Well, not even over-analytical mode, but maybe just common sense. Common sense dictates that the Devil drove me nuts because I realized I might not be ready for a relationship at all. BUT, this said, it was an extraordinary set of circumstances that led me into that foul-up to begin with (yes, my own stupidity is extraordinary). However, this boy, the Fireman (he fights fires! Hot!)  has caught me completely off guard. I honestly was not expecting this to happen at all. I wasn’t expecting the wonderful person he’s become, the wicked sense of humor and the intelligence, the gentleness and the independent streak…. Do you see what I’m saying here? I’m worried that this is perhaps another joke being played on me by the Order of the Universe. The OTU seems to really like fucking with me.  Because really….a Fireman? Really? That’s just too good.

Time to go quarrel with the cats. Hanna needs some prozac, bad. She’s all right though, honestly. She’s decided that she loves the outdoors, and treats it like a personal salad bar, pretty much trying to eat anything that is green, or that moves. Miraculously, she doesn’t puke it up.

Another unexpected brightside. My mom has a new friend who has something like a trillion kids 15 and under. She brings them all over regularly in a big huge white van, and they’re a total riot. They came over today, and we played all day: Amuse the baby. Fish for perch and hook each other instead. Throw fishing rods at your brother because he stole your candy. Then throw shoes. Find leeches and carry them around. Put on lifejackets and sit in the boat on the boat lift and pretend drive it. It was pretty fucking hilariously fun.